As unfathomable as most might think it is, western men marrying Thai bar girls or prostitutes in Thailand isn’t an uncommon occurrence. In fact, for a sizeable percentage of western men in Thailand, whether on vacation or living here, the only Thai girls they date are bar girls from the local sex industry.
Some western men even marry Thai bar girls only to discover there are so many problems, they shouldn’t have. That is why, if you are a western guy, or know one who is seriously thinking about dating or marrying a Thai bar girl, consider the following problems that could very well occur.
Thai Bar Girls Want Money– First of all, don’t fool yourself. The majority of Thai bar girls date or are in a relationship with a western man for the money. After all, where a majority of Thai men still make low salaries, western men, even the poorly paid ones, usually make more.
For Thai bar girls who come from poor backgrounds, they know if they marry a western guy there’s more chance he can help them and their family rise out of poverty. So, if you think your Thai bar girl is in the relationship for love, think again. They are usually not.
Thai Bar Girls Have Other Men – Many western men come to Thailand on vacation, and meet and fall in love with a Thai bar girl. On return to their own country, these men send money to their new Thai girl friend every month.
Often the Thai girl will ask for money for “a sick father” or because the family’s “buffalo died” (seriously, this is an excuse some of the girls use), and the guy will send money for that too.
What the man doesn’t realize is the Thai girl has several other western ‘boyfriends’ too. Boyfriends currently living in other countries who are also sending money every month to the same girl, believing she is their girlfriend. Some of the girls do this for years, even managing to save enough money to buy themselves or their parents a house – all funded by the unsuspecting western ‘boyfriend’.
I met a bar girl recently who told me a story about how she had just managed to get enough money out of two western guys for a boob job she had wanted. She had met both guys while they were on holiday in Bangkok, convinced them she was their girlfriend, and then kept in contact with them when they went back home so she could ask for money.
Both men, who sounded to me like they were in love, were sending her several hundred dollars every month. A few months worth of payments from each, and she had new boobs.
Educational Differences – Another problem western men experience with Thai bar girls is the difference in educational backgrounds. It can be difficult enough being married to a Thai in normal circumstances. Especially when it comes to dealing with the basic cultural differences.
But western men who date or marry a Thai bar girl, a girl who only managed to get a poor education, will usually soon discover they have little in common. The girl doesn’t know much about the world outside Thailand, and would rather spend her time in front of soap operas or gossiping with her friends.
If the guy tries to have a more in-depth conversation about political or social issues, or even just normal news, the girl has little or no interest in doing so.
Your Reputation, While Dating or Married to a Thai Bar Girl – While Thai men may have sex with prostitutes, few if any respectable Thai men would consider marrying a Thai prostitute. Just the same as in the west, where most men would not marry a prostitute either.
Yet, when these same men come to Thailand, possibly because of the way the Thai bar girls look (slim, elegant, exotic and beautiful), the reality that the girl is a prostitute seems to evade them.
What they don’t consider, however, is dating or marrying a Thai bar girl can damage their reputation, as well as their future career prospects. Especially if they stay in Thailand.
Because Thais are not stupid.
Just about all of them can spot a Thai bar girl a mile off due to the way they dress, the way they speak, and the way they act. So when they meet a western man who is obviously dating or married to a bar girl, they will usually lose respect for him.
Being married to an ex-prostitute can also impact a western man’s ability to get a good job, as much of Thai society is based on appearance and respect.
If a western man with a wife who used to be a bar girl applies for certain jobs, there is not much chance he will get it. Not with a Thai ex-bar girl as a wife.
Don’t get me wrong. Thai bar girls aren’t any worse a human being than the rest of Thai women. Some of them, in fact, are better.
It is just that the reality of the situation is dating or marrying a bar girl is only going to set you up for many problems down the road. Ones you likely wouldn’t have with a Thai girl who isn’t involved in the bar girl scene.
And don’t try to convince yourself “My Thai girl is different”, as a lot of men do this then realize, months or years later, really she’s not.
Of course, there are exceptions to these pure generalizations about Thai bar girls, but they are few and far between. In fact, in all the time I have lived in Thailand, I have only met one western guy who is still happily married to his Thai ex-bar girl wife — and she is a lovely woman, by the way.
The others I know are all either unhappily married with far too many problems, or separated or divorced from their Thai wives with far less money than when they started out.
Not a nice prospect to look forward to.
Related: What to talk about with Thai girls — don’t be serious!